Letting Go of the Judge – A Doorway to Happiness

A short while ago, I was working with my Waking Up Study group. We were reviewing a chapter from my book entitled Polishing the Mirror, Saying Goodbye to the Judge. Just as we were beginning our conversation about judging tyrants and murderers, we heard the news about the bombing at the Boston Marathon. The timing was extraordinary. Although we had agreed earlier that judgment was ineffective as a tool when we want to cause or initiate positive change, and that it generally perpetrated unhappiness and turmoil, as soon as we heard the news about Boston, a few of us went immediately to judgment and began talking about punishment for the perpetrators. In the blink of an eye, the energy shifted from compassion to judgment. We then began an interesting conversation about judging the act and not the doer. In the end, the group settled down. We regained our composure and perspective. Still, it was interesting to see how swiftly judgment arose.

Our judgment of others and events can be used as a very effective tool in personal growth when we see that it often arises as a result of self judgment. When Rumi mentions “polishing the mirror,” this is the kind of mirror he is talking about. When we continually judge others and events, we find ourselves living in an unhappy, judging world. Polishing the mirror also applies to compassion, kindness and happiness. When we greet the world with these qualities they are very often reflected back to us. As in a mirror, it is seldom otherwise. People who are happy live in the same world as those that are unhappy, but for them the world is a happier place, and they actually help make it so because they carry their happiness, their light, into the world.

Chokyi Niyma Rinpoche states in The Natural State of Happiness, “Discontent ruins every chance of happiness and well being.” Judgment is born of a discontent within oneself, a discontent with some part of ourselves that is not yet whole. Often this is unconscious, but by using awareness we can see when this happens, take personal responsibility and make inner changes that result in a better outlook as well as new and more skillful behavior. Saying goodbye to the judge is a very important part of our personal and spiritual growth. One could say that, without doing this work, we will not proceed very far down the path, and we will certainly never achieve lasting happiness.

I often say that “I am (or you are) the only one who can change the world.” No one else can do it. No need to wait for a new political order, a new age, a new philosophy or religion. When we shed our judgment and fear; when we greet the world with compassion, joy and happiness, our inner world shifts, and simultaneously the outer world, the world directly around us, shifts to reflect these qualities.  We also hold up the mirror for others if they wish to join us.  We create what I call “the field of possibility.” This is love as a subversive activity: no proselytizing or conversion, no teaching, no pride or arrogance of accomplishment, just example.

You may know this Tibetan blessing. It worth repeating, asking the blessing for oneself; for “all beings” or for an enemy or someone with whom we are having difficulty. To Tibetan Buddhists, kindness, peace, happiness and good health are worthy and respected goals as well as markers of spiritual progress.

May I be filled with loving kindness

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be happy

May I be well